I Wanted a Bright Green Tree Frog

And instead I got one that

is not really mine

but sits on the deck

rests in my watering can

and looks up at me

Trusting

Waiting

for whatever green tree frogs wait for

And then he jumps

and jumps

until he is far away from the

green watering can

that is the same color as his back

and contrasts to the red and yellow

stripes

that are on his back

legs

and feet

His suction cups let go

when he flies 

through the air

in a leap so strong

that he is gone

in seconds

after resting in that

cool water

and 

waiting

for whatever green tree frogs wait for.

I want to paint him

and keep him in my mind

longer

instead of just the 

fleeting memory

of his rest.

and the JUMP

the JUMP

that took him away from that green watering can

in an instant.

ART and LIFE

When you think that it is just about over

When you think that the pain

suffering

not knowing

and the sheer terror of something totally different

stops you

freezes you

and is a cloud on your spirt.

You MUST go to your MUSE

and you MUST

See again

Breathe again

Laugh again

and just learn

all over again

that LIFE

is worth it all

and ART is LIFE

I have to remind myself

may sound strange

but I have come to the edge

and peered over

It was not the living that stopped me

or the dying

it was the mission

It was the need to finish that canvas

the need to see that baby born

to hold my babies

to drink that glass of red

and to know that I did it 

ONE MORE TIME

Focus on ART

Everything pulls at your focus

Everything steals your energy

Everything pulls you to places

that do not support your ART

or your MUSE

And you struggle against it

And you try to not let it steal

a moment of anything that matters

And it captures you

binds your hands

blindfolds you to look inside

at the unknown 

and the unknowing

Your world is an inner struggle

to stay peaceful

and kind

and real

When all you want to do 

is crawl inside and somehow

purge 

Purge the dangerous cells

remove them with your finest scalpel

Surgically reducing 

the fear

Surgically giving you your future back

Cancer and ART

This athlete

This energy queen

This person who has worked out every day

of her life

has cancer.

I cannot dignify it with giving it a capital c.

It needs to remain a lower case

part of my life.

It needs to not permeate my soul

as it permeates my body.

It needs to stay small

nondescript

insignificant

and quiet.

It is not part of who I really am

It is tiny and non important.

And yet it creeps in.

It crawls upon me during

sleep

and invades my psyche

when I least expect it.

and I struggle with how to get rid of it.

How to keep it 

miniscule

and non existent 

in the scheme of my life.

the struggle is real

The worry has to stay contained.

All I have now is my focus

and my determination

to not let it consume me.

Ever

Never

Forever

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Inspired ART Inspired PAINTING

The ART

goes on.

The PAINTING

continues.

I reach deep inside and

somehow

it is there.

Somehow it is ooooozing

out and surrounding me.

The ART of it all

the PAINTING as a venue

the adventure of creating

something from the jugs

and jars of color

the texture that I can add

the scrapings

that I can do.

The intensity of the experience

is what I thrive on.

Healing with ART

When dealing with something

physical that slows you down

the BEST thing that you can do 

is spend time doing what you love.

If you do not do this

it takes twice as long.

I know that it is a difficult task

but stay with your muse

your joy in your life.

If you do

the results are mind boggling.

I remember having babies

and dealing with sleep deprivation

extreme exhaustion

and never ever losing steam.

I was in the middle of several companies

that I owned

the joy of creating

a home and family

and the intense satisfaction of

doing it all with energy

and non stop push.

It never stopped.

Through surgery

births

breastfeeding

and focus

I made it all work.

I never felt the extreme exhaustion

that I feel today.

It was the drama of these

current events

and the way that my body 

shut down

and did not respond quickly

that was the most frightening.

And NOW the focus

on my work

my ART

and PAINTING

is pulling me through.

So do not lose the focus.

Do not give up even for one moment

in this life.

I was close

and somehow

I muscled through this

and am coming out the other side!

CREATION Art

The creative process is

not a magical thing

anymore.

It is a part of my DNA

and it tends to grow

everyday.

I used to feel that 

it was an inspiration

or a muse that came and went.

Now I realize that like

any other talent

or craft

it just becomes part of you.

I summon it

and it appears.

It is no longer a fleeting thing.

It is not temperamental

or something that can be lost.

It is a real thing that 

that emerges from me

and wins over the rest of me.

It is a part of my consciousness

and yet

sometimes

it is silent and brooding

and behind everything.

Painting Emerging Spring

Yes there are subtle signs.

In the South 

maybe not so subtle.

Warmer most days.

No real dreary skies.

No real

winter symptoms at all.

And the birds are coming back

or maybe there are just inching their way

from southern destinations

and making their way

further in groups.

I do not relish spring here.

It is way too quick

and then settles into the

heat of summer

which is difficult to bear.

So we see the signs and we

do not rejoice.

But instead

we paint

and largely ignore it.

Painting is perfect and 

real

and never gets too hot

or too sultry.

Life Death and ART

Honestly

It does not get any more real

than this.

In the last two weeks

I have gone from 

painting at my easel

to a near death 

experience.

In about the flash of 24 hours.

And it just was not 

that easy to come back from it all.

Physically

I was shaken.

Spiritually

I am sound.

The whole thing was 

peaceful.

The creation

the ending

the in between.

It is all surreal

and a bit of a blurr

but it all works

out

doesn't it?

Life IS short.

We know this.

And yet when it is all

coming at you

it is a slow motion

peaceful feeling

that creeps in

and snuggles up

to you.

I am here now

and ART can flourish

once again.